I always felt fortunate that I had as my ‘aging’ model, a mother who started tap dancing at age 66, and became associate TV producer at age 68. But my real insight into a joyous journey to the End came via a tweet chat.
My mother was a force of nature. She died in 1982 at age 72 .
Until a savage brain tumor robbed her of cogent speech, my mother was determined and successful in her bid to age differently. To defy what was acceptable for ‘a woman of her age’ As a ‘change of life baby’ I know I was often mortified in the presence of her age-defying behavior. She’d sing out loud when we walked down the street together; Often, it was French songs she wanted to teach me as we purposefully walked (she was also an ahead-of-her time exerciser) She’d staring down anyone who gave her (use) a side eye.
She’d always wanted to be a dancer, and – although a decade older than acceptable for entry application – she lied and tried out for the famous Martha Graham School of Modern Dance. There’s a picture of her standing on the stairs of the venerable school looking more radiant, if a little more worn, than her ‘peers’. Not satisfied with that coup, she took up tap dancing – where she was a couple of decades older than anyone else. I was sure her ‘classmates’ would discount her, dismiss her or worse – make her invisible. But no: the teacher was so tickled at her enthusiasm she became the pet of the class. That was another lesson for me: the energy of enthusiasm can trump those pesky numbers.
She was 68 when her husband of 40 years – my father – died. He’d also defied ‘age’ related obstacles – becoming a prolific artist in his last 5 years. After his death, my mother started a new career: associate documentary producer. In the six years before her death, she won three Emmy Awards.
It is this history that makes me identify with the rhetorical question: What if nearly everything we know about aging is wrong?
So I may have started with a good ‘base’ when I stumbled onto a tweetchat with hospice and palliative health care professionals. As the only ‘layman’ on the chat, I soon realized of how little I knew about what happens (or could happen) as life winds down, and – specifically – what end of life medical options and decisions I may be faced with. When I posed questions to the group, they were both generous and excited to bring me answers in the form of literature, blogs, videos, data. I began to blog about what I was learning and the blog took on a life of its own.
The gift of Liberation from Aging that my mother gave me has been augmented by the gift of reflection came with creating my blog: BestEndings.com: I put mind, and paid attention to the small pleasures of life. The ones I intend not to relinquish right up to the end – whatever medical challenges and decisions may be faced: hugs, dog pats, fresh air, laughter and music.
Wherever my mother is, she’s no doubt finding it ironic that I’m doing all those same <ahem> age inappropriate things singing out loud and dancing like a fool.
Happily, my own daughters think it’s great, and suggest I simply lie about my age.
‘m a serial entrepreneur in the health space – with a focus on identifying ‘gaps’ in patient-centered education. I’m tickled to have done a TEDtalk (Exit Laughing) and sit on various health boards and steering committees as a ‘public’ representative. I’m sure I raise more than a few eyebrows when I explain my website’s about dying and death but hope I relay the spirit when I say how I want to die: with tequila. Swabbbed on my lips if necessary
